he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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