FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
