dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
