Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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