do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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