I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize