I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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