Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Such a big mess for such a small penis
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
