he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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