If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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