Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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