if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
