he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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