ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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