Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
