I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
