In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
