I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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