If that was your dad, he is hot
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
