Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize