I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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