I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
