Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize