your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
