Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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