I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
