I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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