you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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