i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
