About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
