No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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