i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
