So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
