The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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