I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
