i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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