so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
