just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
