At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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