I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
