I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
