I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
