What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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