it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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