I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
