so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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