we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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