i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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