It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
