I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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