I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
