hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
