Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Randomize
