Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
