meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I deserve this hangover.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
