I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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