The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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