You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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