sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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