nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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