he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
