Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
