if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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