Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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