I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
