um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
