i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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