If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
