Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
