If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
